Time to Conquer: Weeks 18-20 Being Positive

If you are new here, you can read all of my Time to Conquer posts HERE.

Well, another three weeks have come and gone.  Wow.  This weight loss journey has been a roller coaster of emotions.

I have had some very good experiences these last few weeks and I have really struggled as well.

Week 18 started with my favorite NSV (non scale victory).  This one happened at Costco.  I was there to pick up a few things {I know, scary, Costco will take all of your money!} and I saw some jeans.  I was excited because they were plus size but seemed to be a skinnier fit.  My legs are thinning out and most plus size styles are super baggy in the legs.  These were a “slim fit” {Side note:  How funny is it when you are buying a slim fit in plus size clothes – Ha!}   I purchased a size 22 and a size 20.  I was thinking that the size 22 would fit me now and the 20 would fit me in another month.

Well, wonder of wonder, both of them were TOO BIG!  I couldn’t believe it.  I about had a heart attack   For those of you who don’t know, I was wearing a size 28 when I started this journey.  At that time I was barely squeezing myself into them!  Wow!  A 28!  So having to go back and buy a size 18 was just Awesome!  And to be honest, totally amazing.  It has been years since I have been in the teen sizes of jeans.

Week 18 weigh in:  I lost 3 pounds for a total of 55.  I was happy.

Week 19 was not a good week for me.  After the high of having been 2 sizes smaller than I thought I was, I decided that I should be able to shop in regular stores and that I would probably be able to wear size XL.  Instead of being happy with where I was, I became frustrated when I tried on top after top and each one was too small.  How could this be?  How can you lose this much weight and still not be able to wear “normal” clothes.

I became more and more down on my self.  I felt grumpy and I wasn’t motivated to take care of myself as well as I should have.  Instead of focusing on all the positive things that have happened, I was only focused on the negative.  How many times have you done that? It is so easy to focus on the negative.  And once you start, it is just so easy to continue thinking that way.  I told myself that I wasn’t good enough.  That I should be thinner.  And then I started to feel bad that I was feeling bad….ahhh!!!

Well, guess what…  Week 19 weigh in:  I didn’t lose a thing!  Not one little pound.  I’m lucky I didn’t gain.  By the time the weighin came around I knew what I had been doing to myself all week was bad.  I knew that being down on myself would not help me lose weight.  I knew that I was only hurting myself.  And it was true.  While I didn’t go off of my plan and I didn’t eat anything I wasn’t supposed to.  I hurt myself by all the negativity   I vowed to learn from that horrible week of self loathing and sadness.  I vowed to be happy and focus on all of the positive things around me.  I vowed to be better.

You know, none of us are perfect.  Especially me.  We all have our ups and downs.  Things are hard.  We go through these things to help us learn.  To help us progress.  I am sharing these things to help me understand what I can do to make my life better.  Hopefully in the process they will help someone else out as well.

Our minds and bodies are amazing things.  They can do almost anything if we let them.  We can choose to treat ourselves well, or we can choose to belittle and degrade ourselves.  It is up to us.  It is up to me.  I can choose to focus on all the amazing blessings that I have around me.  I can choose to focus on the fact that I feel better than I have in years.  That this is a process, and even when I stumble and have a bad day or week, I am headed in the right direction.

I can know that I am changing my life!  And I am making my life better.  Isn’t that what life is all about after all?!

Week 20:  I lost 3 pounds for a total of 58 pounds!  *huge sigh*  I am getting closer and closer to being under 200 pounds.  I promise to have a HUGE party when I hit that magic number.

We recently had our pictures taken for the website.  If we weren’t so busy posting deals I probably would have posted them by now.  😉  I am also counting this as my 50 pounds lost picture so I wanted to give you a “before” and “during” shot.  Here you go:

Thanks to Joyous Moments Photography for our amazing new photos!